Wedding in Bahamas!!!

We have officially decided on our wedding location, Nassau Bahamas. We are still shooting for the weekend of 10-10-10. I can not wait for our beautiful Beach wedding!! The great thing about the Bahamas is that it is somewhat affordable so we hope to have a good amount of family and friends join us. The next step is confirming the hotel and ceremony/reception location, we have our eye on the Marley Resort for the ceremony and reception. I love the history about how the Marley Resort was acquired by Bob Marley's wife, Rita. It's a small resort but it would be perfect for the ceremony. It's not big enough to hold all of guests so we are looking at other hotels too.

I must admit this process has not been easy, it took as a while to find something that was affordable, unique, and made us both happy. But hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Does the size of Engagement Ring Matter?

This is a hot topic with women. So now that the Wedding Bug is in the air. There is talk about your dream proposal, your dream ring, your dream wedding, and hopeful your dream marriage. I advise my daughters and other women as well not to just focus on the dream but building a successful marriage. I suggest pre-martial counseling or relationship counseling.

Before I married, my ex and I attended several weeks of pre-martial counseling with the pastor who married us. It was the pastor's suggestion. I am so grateful that we did the counseling and completed the course before we married. It makes you communicate all areas of your future life.

It helps you to talk about all aspects of marriage. You may be living together and thinking you have already worked things out. Marriage changes people. It is not the same as living with the person. There is a difference between living in a committed relationship with a person and living in a committed marriage with the person. You just have to experience. Believe me I have done both.

I can't stress this enough. Take action today. Find a church or organization to get pre-martial counseling. Stop stressing about the wedding, the ring , the honeymoon and all those other details. Set up a plan for regular martial counseling. I suggest doing it before you get married and every five years. Counseling helps you with setting a foundation for a successful marriage. This is more important that the engagement ring or any other wedding plans.

Mom's advice for today is to call and make an appointment for pre-marital counseling!

Mom's advice for today is to call and make an appointment for pre-marital counseling!

Mom's advice for today is to call and make an appointment for pre-marital counseling!

Did you do it yet? You could call now.

Mom's advice for today is to call and make an appointment for pre-marital counseling!

Mom's advice for today is to call and make an appointment for pre-marital counseling!

Mom's advice for today is to call and make an appointment for pre-marital counseling!

Enough said!

Now back to the all important engagement ring; to a woman absolutely yes the size of the wedding ring matters. You can create, have, or do whatever you want to have; with that said you can create having a beautiful engagement ring.

Let me share my experience with the marriage proposal and the engagement ring.

We are living together in an apartment together in Chicago. I am pregnant. My birthday is approaching. My ex-husband's cousin tells me that is going to propose. She is helping him to shop for the ring. Big mistake. The cousin was shopping for her dream engagement ring not mine. I was not happy with the ring. Please make sure to tell him what you want in a ring. I made a mistake in not telling her what I wanted or him for that matter.

So on my birthday, he makes a special dinner for me. After dinner, he got down and one knee. He asked me to marry him with engagement ring in hand. I said yes. I loved the whole proposal part, but the ring was a disappointment. It was too small. You really couldn't see it. I knew his bank account at the time and he had more money that.

An engagement ring to a woman means the expression of your love for her. Now it is okay to give her your grandma's ring until you get the real thing. Family heirlooms are nice, but a woman wants her own expression of love from you. A nice size engagement ring means to other women that he values you highly.

When Kobe cheated on his wife, then she requested that he pay for his indiscretion by buying her a four million dollar diamond. She is no fool. He may have publicly disrespected her with his cheating but she told the world this is my value to him. This puts the other women on alert.

My man may cheat with you for a minute, a month but he values me highly.

According to Steve Harvey's "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man", a man looks at woman then wonders what is it going to cost to get sex from her. A man looks at a woman to see if he can afford her. He decides when he first meets her if he wants her for sport fishing or for marrying. He wants the cookie. If this is the way it is with men, then women have to put a value on their cookie. Women do that with the engagement ring.

Value your cookie like gold. Not only do men want your cookie but they want it exclusively. They want to know all the children are theirs. They want it to be loyal and faithful. They want it at home with the kids or just at home. They want you to adore them.

Once you put a value on your cookie, then you fall in love with a man. You may have to decide how you are willing to compromise with the value of the engagement ring. I am not suggesting that your man go broke over buying the ring of your dreams. Don't expect a million dollar ring from a blue-collar man or middle-class man.

Don't let a man tell you that you are not worth it either.

One of my daughters shared with me that she wanted a three diamond engagement ring; one diamond for the past, one diamond for the present, and one diamond for the future. I love that ideal. It is very romantic.

It is also very practical. You never know when you may have to sell the diamond of the future to provide for yourself or your family.

My mother advised me to keep an a separate savings account on the side. This is an account for you to have options. If you decide to tell Prince Charming that if he cheats on you, that you will leave him. You will need money to do this. In case you need to leave and go to a hotel or get an apartment one day.

My mother also advised me to know where his money is going, the property he buys, the investments he makes. You make sure that your name is on everything. My mother was married twice. I did not listen to her. I thought that my love with my ex was different. How naive I was at the time. I was mid-twenties and judging her. I thought to my self those are your mistakes and failures. My marriage is going to be different. We are in love.

This is my personal opinion. Some women don't care about the size of the ring. I do. Some women love jewelry. Some don't. For my second marriage I am creating a beautiful engagement. I am also going to tell him what I want this time.

Marriage is so much more than "I love you."

For the first time ever, I feel like I've gotten this thing right... I've not only met the man FOR ME, but I'm not second-guessing it. This is TRULY an epiphany. As I bask in the glory of being newly 30~ and console myself for being newly 30~ I have come to a point in my life of reflection. I think about the ways in which I chose love 10 years ago to the ways that I choose to love now. Dating in my early 20's was ALL about how I FELT. If I FELT love - dammit it was LOVE! LOL! But dating in my late 20's was a bit different..... I was changing, and my 'LOVER' at the time was not.... I was a totally different person from when we met until the time we let each other go. And although it hurt, we had to let go. I almost automatically came to an understanding that love was not just about how I FELT; But a mature love is so much more complicated and responsible than that..... It respects you, cares for you, takes care OF you, is available at all times (in so many more ways than physical), and it remains stable - even when life situations become un-stable...... It is truly amazing! And I wish and pray for it - not only for my baby sister, but for EVERY SISTA looking for her soul mate.... (And no, you don't have to be 30 to have mature love.... You'll know when it comes, and YOU KNOW if the man you're with is that love or not.)

My current love came to me with intelligence, a meek and humble spirit, a caring heart, a love for God and his people, a love for family; and with a JOB! lol! He also just happened to be tall, dark, and FINE.... He is the sweetest spirit, the most caring spirit, forgiving, and OH SO CAPABLE of loving ME. He made us official on September 6th, 2009 in front of 300 of our family and loved ones; and I could re-live that day over and over again.
We met over 8 years ago, and didn't technically become a couple until 4 years ago.... We met through 2 of our mutual friends, and we became friends FIRST. If I could give just 1 piece of advice to young ladies wanting love, it would be to stop looking.... he's probably already there.....

~The love that you want is that love that listens to you, and cares about your NEEDS, feelings, and emotions.~

He proposed on one knee 365 days after he let ME pick out 'THE RING'. He told me in November of 2008 that he wanted to go ring shopping... we did. I picked out the ring, and had NO CLUE when I would ever see her again...... Although it took a year to get her back, it was well worth the wait. Ten months later we had a beautiful wedding - with all of the bells and whistles that you can imagine. There was cake, African dancing from the Muntu Dance Theater, big flowers, lighting, camera crews, bells, confetti, candles, feathers, and I could go on and on about all the things that I loved about that day...... but I won't bore you. However, let me just say that this day will get OLD to others (as I KNOW people get tired of me pulling out my pictures and playing the DVD), but it will ALWAYS be cherished by the bride..... It's a special day that means SO much, and it is more than worth the years of waiting for it. It's even more special when it's with THE RIGHT ONE.


It wouldn't be much without having a good man standing next to you though. The man standing next to you on that big day should be so much more than your 'LOVER'. AND he should be so much more than a good feeling ('This feels right in my spirit'). This man; this Husband; should be your friend, confidant, and support..... and you should feel confident walking down that aisle (looking pretty and feeling beautiful) knowing that you've made the best decision - not just because you FEEL like you want to be married - but because you know that this is the person that will be your 'HOMEY' for life! And that through thick and thin, better and worse, rich and poor - HE WILL BE THERE. (Like Jesus!!... Yes, it is so spiritual. lol!) You should be confidant in your heart that this man will give his last for you (like his last name), share with you (his cash flow), respect you (not cheat on, or put his hands on you), encourage you (let you live out your ambitions, and push you to be your best), and make you FEEL safe and secure (he WISH a 'mutha-fo' WOULD step wrong to his wife!).... in ADDITION to being your lover. There are so many other things to marriage besides 'I love you'. Marriage is a responsibility, and because I know what I've got - I'm willing to take him on. My lover is definitely worth it - and he makes me feel the same.

~To all brides getting ready to jump the broom - I wish you tears of happiness and joy on your wedding day.
~To all newly-wed and seasoned wives: He liked it so he put a ring on it. Keep doing you! That's what got you the ring in the first place.
~To all you single ladies looking for THE ONE - don't rush it! You have the rest of your life to be married, so try and get it right the first time. You'll thank YOURSELF for it.

Congratulations ladies! Cheers to love.

Black Love Story Series

I am starting a Black Love series where I feature couple's love stories.

As I mentioned previously there is an abudance of negativity in the Media about Black Relationships. These love stories will highlight Black Love and give us a chance to learn from the mistakes of others. Also these stories will highlight what made the relationships sucessful. If you are interested in sharing your story please contact me at nubianfitnessgoddess@gmail.com. Also, If you are interested in contributing as guest blogger on other relationship topics please contact me!

The Dating Game

Being a young black single woman, in this "Dating Game" I have experienced a lot. Because I am open to other races, I have dated all kinds of men from different races and from different backgrounds. But, my preference for settling down is to be with a black man. Like any other human I often catch myself comparing one man to another, weighing out my positive experiences against my negative experiences, which leads me to loving my black men. I will not lie and say they are the better race when it comes to dating but I feel more confident in having a relationship with a black man. I never went to college and never really dated during my High School years. It wasn't until after attending Beauty School when my social life expanded into going to social gatherings and clubs. That's when I really began to meet people. Before then, when was I younger, I dated guys that weren't focused on making a name for themselves in life. I on the other hand knew what I wanted to do and knew what I was going to do to get there. So trying to find a man on that same page was very difficult. At one point I was questioning "Is it because the guys I have been dating were too young mentally?" So I began to date older guys from ages 25 to 30. I figured at that age they should already be on their goal path or at least have a blueprint. And the package that came with that, boy was I not prepared for it I had to deal with men that had too many kids or were looking to have kids. Like I said before I am only 21 I was not looking for that much responsibility. I just got on my career path although I do want the husband, kids, and white picket fence life. I am not ready for that now. I then began to ponder was it rare to find some one with the traditional sense of life? Whatever happened to career, marriage, then children? Call me old fashion but that is how I believe it should go.

So let me start telling you about the beginning of my "Cinderella Story" with a black man. The way I met my current boyfriend kind of reminds me of the movie "Brown Sugar" . We met at rapper's CD listening party. Exchange phone numbers, and you know how it goes. One of our first conversations was about music and our love for it. We found out we had many likes in common, that kept me very interested. He told me he never met a girl that knew so much about music, props to my brother, and that he was so glad he did. As we continued to talk I began to become turned on by the fact of how he has already accomplished so much at a young age. At the age of 22 he has traveled most of the US, owns a house and is very stable financially but also has a child. The child part I wasn't so happy about but I forced myself to become a little more opened-minded. We have only been dating for 5 months but are very serious. Like I said in the previous paragraph I was not ready to settle down. But now I realize it all depends on who you are with. I can see myself building a foundation with him. I also see myself learning from him. And it all started with having one thing in common and just start growing from there. I had all the same standards for him as I did for the other guys. But was looking for the wrong thing , I was looking for "my perfect guy" living in dream land. Trying to find that man with a perfect credit score, money, nice car, house, no kids and a great job with great benefits. But who am I to look for something like that if I am not even on that level.

And that's where I find how woman make that error when looking for a man in general, we ask for too much. Why not just find someone that you have a lot in common with, regardless of color, that has a good head on his shoulders and see if you guys can make it work. I love my boyfriend but we don't have a perfect relationship we both disagree with certain beliefs that the other may have and because we are young we still don't have everything together, but we make it work. He makes me happy and to me that is the most important thing. So women please stop looking for the man with the BMW, the perfect credit score that matches the perfectly chiseled body, with no kids and the great benefits. Because if there was a man out there like that what makes you think he would be looking for you?

So, I shall leave you with this thought; Men are Men the surface may be different but their cores are all the same, don't expect him to live the way you want him too. Or believe in what you believe. If he meets 75% of your standards ask yourself if you are willing to compromise and deal with the other 25% then deal with it and don't bring it up. If you don't want to deal with it then keep searching. But one day you shall come to realize maybe that 25% wasn't so bad after all.

Happily Ever After: A Documentary about Black Marriage

My fiance came across this documentary this morning and I wanted to share it with you all. It is created by a Black Couple who also created the site Black and Married with Kids.com. This couple is challenging the media's sterotypes about Black Love and Marriage. They are an inspiration to me. Countering the negativity (from the media) is such a necessity right now. So please check out their site and video. I will be ordering the DVD and I'll let you all know what I think.

About the Documentary:

From the creators of the award winning website Black and Married With Kids.com comes a ground breaking documentary set to challenge negative stereotypes surrounding marriage and parenting in the black community.

Couples and experts discuss topics such as the image and portrayal of black marriages and families, the effect the Obamas will have on marriage in the black community and the importance of parenting.

(from http://www.happilyeverafterthemovie.com/about/)

A Younger Generation's Perspective

Since the wedding, a lot of discussions about marriage, relationships, men, and women have come up amongst my family and friends. I am the bride's youngest sister, only 19 but the wedding has just sparked so many thoughts about my own decisions as well as my friends'.

I have friends whose siblings are either already married or are approaching that stage in their lives. When people around you start getting married... You take notice. I will definitely say that it makes me feel old (something I am sure many of you will laugh at). Anyway, out of all my female friends I am one of few that is actually in a relationship. Amongst my close friends, I am the only one in a relationship. Now this is totally fine, there is nothing wrong with choosing to be single for whatever reason one may have. I just believe that some girls have slightly different perspectives from me of love, relationships, and timing.

A few of my friends insist that this is WAY too early to be thinking about "settling down" or being serious with someone. "We're just 19," they continuously say (one of them actually turned 20 yesterday). "I'll wait 'til senior year around graduation for all of that," they repeat. And I think to myself for a mere split second, "Hmm are we really too young?"

But in that moment, I realize that perhaps they view "settling down" in a different way than I do. I have been with my boyfriend for about nine months now, we met in college and quickly became best friends... We fell in love very unexpectedly by the end of my freshman year. And after being in a long distance relationship with him for these past nine months, I do not anticipate dating anyone else. In essence, I am not going anywhere. But I am also not getting married tomorrow and I think that may be the way my friends view it sometimes. Not literally of course, but perhaps they somehow equate a commitment now to an even larger one that may or may not happen further down the road.

Of course that is truly the reason for relationships in the first place, but a relationship is what you make it really. Whether or not marriage is in your future (near or distant as well) is essentially up to you. I understand my friends at home and at school when they say they want to just take college to continue to be a free spirit or experience things, etc. But I also know that most of them aspire to someday fall in love, get married, have children... The whole shabang. And I always tell them that there is no better place to meet someone than college.

At what other point in your life will you be presented with so many people from a number of diverse backgrounds who can pursue numerous opportunities? College is the place of dreamers. Nothing seems out of your reach and absolutely anything is still possible. People love college students, they admire us with our tenacity, inspiration, and determination. This is the place where we begin molding ourselves for who and where we want to be in life.

I think that was part of what attracted me so much to my boyfriend, he just has a passion for life like no other I have ever seen before. And while so many other college students are out being free spirits, I am developing into the person I want to be and learning about the person I know I truly am. And they will see some day that when they find someone they believe to be special... They will not want to be a free spirit anymore. They will have no reason to date other guys and no interest in them either.

I suppose writing this has helped me realize something: Everyone is at different point in their lives. Though we are all sophomores in college, we all are experiencing different feelings, revelations, and lessons all at the same time. Everyone is not ready to be in a serious relationship, not until they are more sure about who they want themselves to be can they be sure about who they want to share their lives with.

All I want them to realize is that by senior year of undergrad and in grad school, a lot of those guys that are eligible bachelors now... May not be then. My sister (The Bride) once told me that if you find a good black man that makes you happy and has his stuff together, hold on to him. I think she was very right.