The Dating Game

Being a young black single woman, in this "Dating Game" I have experienced a lot. Because I am open to other races, I have dated all kinds of men from different races and from different backgrounds. But, my preference for settling down is to be with a black man. Like any other human I often catch myself comparing one man to another, weighing out my positive experiences against my negative experiences, which leads me to loving my black men. I will not lie and say they are the better race when it comes to dating but I feel more confident in having a relationship with a black man. I never went to college and never really dated during my High School years. It wasn't until after attending Beauty School when my social life expanded into going to social gatherings and clubs. That's when I really began to meet people. Before then, when was I younger, I dated guys that weren't focused on making a name for themselves in life. I on the other hand knew what I wanted to do and knew what I was going to do to get there. So trying to find a man on that same page was very difficult. At one point I was questioning "Is it because the guys I have been dating were too young mentally?" So I began to date older guys from ages 25 to 30. I figured at that age they should already be on their goal path or at least have a blueprint. And the package that came with that, boy was I not prepared for it I had to deal with men that had too many kids or were looking to have kids. Like I said before I am only 21 I was not looking for that much responsibility. I just got on my career path although I do want the husband, kids, and white picket fence life. I am not ready for that now. I then began to ponder was it rare to find some one with the traditional sense of life? Whatever happened to career, marriage, then children? Call me old fashion but that is how I believe it should go.

So let me start telling you about the beginning of my "Cinderella Story" with a black man. The way I met my current boyfriend kind of reminds me of the movie "Brown Sugar" . We met at rapper's CD listening party. Exchange phone numbers, and you know how it goes. One of our first conversations was about music and our love for it. We found out we had many likes in common, that kept me very interested. He told me he never met a girl that knew so much about music, props to my brother, and that he was so glad he did. As we continued to talk I began to become turned on by the fact of how he has already accomplished so much at a young age. At the age of 22 he has traveled most of the US, owns a house and is very stable financially but also has a child. The child part I wasn't so happy about but I forced myself to become a little more opened-minded. We have only been dating for 5 months but are very serious. Like I said in the previous paragraph I was not ready to settle down. But now I realize it all depends on who you are with. I can see myself building a foundation with him. I also see myself learning from him. And it all started with having one thing in common and just start growing from there. I had all the same standards for him as I did for the other guys. But was looking for the wrong thing , I was looking for "my perfect guy" living in dream land. Trying to find that man with a perfect credit score, money, nice car, house, no kids and a great job with great benefits. But who am I to look for something like that if I am not even on that level.

And that's where I find how woman make that error when looking for a man in general, we ask for too much. Why not just find someone that you have a lot in common with, regardless of color, that has a good head on his shoulders and see if you guys can make it work. I love my boyfriend but we don't have a perfect relationship we both disagree with certain beliefs that the other may have and because we are young we still don't have everything together, but we make it work. He makes me happy and to me that is the most important thing. So women please stop looking for the man with the BMW, the perfect credit score that matches the perfectly chiseled body, with no kids and the great benefits. Because if there was a man out there like that what makes you think he would be looking for you?

So, I shall leave you with this thought; Men are Men the surface may be different but their cores are all the same, don't expect him to live the way you want him too. Or believe in what you believe. If he meets 75% of your standards ask yourself if you are willing to compromise and deal with the other 25% then deal with it and don't bring it up. If you don't want to deal with it then keep searching. But one day you shall come to realize maybe that 25% wasn't so bad after all.