Marriage is so much more than "I love you."

For the first time ever, I feel like I've gotten this thing right... I've not only met the man FOR ME, but I'm not second-guessing it. This is TRULY an epiphany. As I bask in the glory of being newly 30~ and console myself for being newly 30~ I have come to a point in my life of reflection. I think about the ways in which I chose love 10 years ago to the ways that I choose to love now. Dating in my early 20's was ALL about how I FELT. If I FELT love - dammit it was LOVE! LOL! But dating in my late 20's was a bit different..... I was changing, and my 'LOVER' at the time was not.... I was a totally different person from when we met until the time we let each other go. And although it hurt, we had to let go. I almost automatically came to an understanding that love was not just about how I FELT; But a mature love is so much more complicated and responsible than that..... It respects you, cares for you, takes care OF you, is available at all times (in so many more ways than physical), and it remains stable - even when life situations become un-stable...... It is truly amazing! And I wish and pray for it - not only for my baby sister, but for EVERY SISTA looking for her soul mate.... (And no, you don't have to be 30 to have mature love.... You'll know when it comes, and YOU KNOW if the man you're with is that love or not.)

My current love came to me with intelligence, a meek and humble spirit, a caring heart, a love for God and his people, a love for family; and with a JOB! lol! He also just happened to be tall, dark, and FINE.... He is the sweetest spirit, the most caring spirit, forgiving, and OH SO CAPABLE of loving ME. He made us official on September 6th, 2009 in front of 300 of our family and loved ones; and I could re-live that day over and over again.
We met over 8 years ago, and didn't technically become a couple until 4 years ago.... We met through 2 of our mutual friends, and we became friends FIRST. If I could give just 1 piece of advice to young ladies wanting love, it would be to stop looking.... he's probably already there.....

~The love that you want is that love that listens to you, and cares about your NEEDS, feelings, and emotions.~

He proposed on one knee 365 days after he let ME pick out 'THE RING'. He told me in November of 2008 that he wanted to go ring shopping... we did. I picked out the ring, and had NO CLUE when I would ever see her again...... Although it took a year to get her back, it was well worth the wait. Ten months later we had a beautiful wedding - with all of the bells and whistles that you can imagine. There was cake, African dancing from the Muntu Dance Theater, big flowers, lighting, camera crews, bells, confetti, candles, feathers, and I could go on and on about all the things that I loved about that day...... but I won't bore you. However, let me just say that this day will get OLD to others (as I KNOW people get tired of me pulling out my pictures and playing the DVD), but it will ALWAYS be cherished by the bride..... It's a special day that means SO much, and it is more than worth the years of waiting for it. It's even more special when it's with THE RIGHT ONE.


It wouldn't be much without having a good man standing next to you though. The man standing next to you on that big day should be so much more than your 'LOVER'. AND he should be so much more than a good feeling ('This feels right in my spirit'). This man; this Husband; should be your friend, confidant, and support..... and you should feel confident walking down that aisle (looking pretty and feeling beautiful) knowing that you've made the best decision - not just because you FEEL like you want to be married - but because you know that this is the person that will be your 'HOMEY' for life! And that through thick and thin, better and worse, rich and poor - HE WILL BE THERE. (Like Jesus!!... Yes, it is so spiritual. lol!) You should be confidant in your heart that this man will give his last for you (like his last name), share with you (his cash flow), respect you (not cheat on, or put his hands on you), encourage you (let you live out your ambitions, and push you to be your best), and make you FEEL safe and secure (he WISH a 'mutha-fo' WOULD step wrong to his wife!).... in ADDITION to being your lover. There are so many other things to marriage besides 'I love you'. Marriage is a responsibility, and because I know what I've got - I'm willing to take him on. My lover is definitely worth it - and he makes me feel the same.

~To all brides getting ready to jump the broom - I wish you tears of happiness and joy on your wedding day.
~To all newly-wed and seasoned wives: He liked it so he put a ring on it. Keep doing you! That's what got you the ring in the first place.
~To all you single ladies looking for THE ONE - don't rush it! You have the rest of your life to be married, so try and get it right the first time. You'll thank YOURSELF for it.

Congratulations ladies! Cheers to love.

Black Love Story Series

I am starting a Black Love series where I feature couple's love stories.

As I mentioned previously there is an abudance of negativity in the Media about Black Relationships. These love stories will highlight Black Love and give us a chance to learn from the mistakes of others. Also these stories will highlight what made the relationships sucessful. If you are interested in sharing your story please contact me at nubianfitnessgoddess@gmail.com. Also, If you are interested in contributing as guest blogger on other relationship topics please contact me!

The Dating Game

Being a young black single woman, in this "Dating Game" I have experienced a lot. Because I am open to other races, I have dated all kinds of men from different races and from different backgrounds. But, my preference for settling down is to be with a black man. Like any other human I often catch myself comparing one man to another, weighing out my positive experiences against my negative experiences, which leads me to loving my black men. I will not lie and say they are the better race when it comes to dating but I feel more confident in having a relationship with a black man. I never went to college and never really dated during my High School years. It wasn't until after attending Beauty School when my social life expanded into going to social gatherings and clubs. That's when I really began to meet people. Before then, when was I younger, I dated guys that weren't focused on making a name for themselves in life. I on the other hand knew what I wanted to do and knew what I was going to do to get there. So trying to find a man on that same page was very difficult. At one point I was questioning "Is it because the guys I have been dating were too young mentally?" So I began to date older guys from ages 25 to 30. I figured at that age they should already be on their goal path or at least have a blueprint. And the package that came with that, boy was I not prepared for it I had to deal with men that had too many kids or were looking to have kids. Like I said before I am only 21 I was not looking for that much responsibility. I just got on my career path although I do want the husband, kids, and white picket fence life. I am not ready for that now. I then began to ponder was it rare to find some one with the traditional sense of life? Whatever happened to career, marriage, then children? Call me old fashion but that is how I believe it should go.

So let me start telling you about the beginning of my "Cinderella Story" with a black man. The way I met my current boyfriend kind of reminds me of the movie "Brown Sugar" . We met at rapper's CD listening party. Exchange phone numbers, and you know how it goes. One of our first conversations was about music and our love for it. We found out we had many likes in common, that kept me very interested. He told me he never met a girl that knew so much about music, props to my brother, and that he was so glad he did. As we continued to talk I began to become turned on by the fact of how he has already accomplished so much at a young age. At the age of 22 he has traveled most of the US, owns a house and is very stable financially but also has a child. The child part I wasn't so happy about but I forced myself to become a little more opened-minded. We have only been dating for 5 months but are very serious. Like I said in the previous paragraph I was not ready to settle down. But now I realize it all depends on who you are with. I can see myself building a foundation with him. I also see myself learning from him. And it all started with having one thing in common and just start growing from there. I had all the same standards for him as I did for the other guys. But was looking for the wrong thing , I was looking for "my perfect guy" living in dream land. Trying to find that man with a perfect credit score, money, nice car, house, no kids and a great job with great benefits. But who am I to look for something like that if I am not even on that level.

And that's where I find how woman make that error when looking for a man in general, we ask for too much. Why not just find someone that you have a lot in common with, regardless of color, that has a good head on his shoulders and see if you guys can make it work. I love my boyfriend but we don't have a perfect relationship we both disagree with certain beliefs that the other may have and because we are young we still don't have everything together, but we make it work. He makes me happy and to me that is the most important thing. So women please stop looking for the man with the BMW, the perfect credit score that matches the perfectly chiseled body, with no kids and the great benefits. Because if there was a man out there like that what makes you think he would be looking for you?

So, I shall leave you with this thought; Men are Men the surface may be different but their cores are all the same, don't expect him to live the way you want him too. Or believe in what you believe. If he meets 75% of your standards ask yourself if you are willing to compromise and deal with the other 25% then deal with it and don't bring it up. If you don't want to deal with it then keep searching. But one day you shall come to realize maybe that 25% wasn't so bad after all.

Happily Ever After: A Documentary about Black Marriage

My fiance came across this documentary this morning and I wanted to share it with you all. It is created by a Black Couple who also created the site Black and Married with Kids.com. This couple is challenging the media's sterotypes about Black Love and Marriage. They are an inspiration to me. Countering the negativity (from the media) is such a necessity right now. So please check out their site and video. I will be ordering the DVD and I'll let you all know what I think.

About the Documentary:

From the creators of the award winning website Black and Married With Kids.com comes a ground breaking documentary set to challenge negative stereotypes surrounding marriage and parenting in the black community.

Couples and experts discuss topics such as the image and portrayal of black marriages and families, the effect the Obamas will have on marriage in the black community and the importance of parenting.

(from http://www.happilyeverafterthemovie.com/about/)

A Younger Generation's Perspective

Since the wedding, a lot of discussions about marriage, relationships, men, and women have come up amongst my family and friends. I am the bride's youngest sister, only 19 but the wedding has just sparked so many thoughts about my own decisions as well as my friends'.

I have friends whose siblings are either already married or are approaching that stage in their lives. When people around you start getting married... You take notice. I will definitely say that it makes me feel old (something I am sure many of you will laugh at). Anyway, out of all my female friends I am one of few that is actually in a relationship. Amongst my close friends, I am the only one in a relationship. Now this is totally fine, there is nothing wrong with choosing to be single for whatever reason one may have. I just believe that some girls have slightly different perspectives from me of love, relationships, and timing.

A few of my friends insist that this is WAY too early to be thinking about "settling down" or being serious with someone. "We're just 19," they continuously say (one of them actually turned 20 yesterday). "I'll wait 'til senior year around graduation for all of that," they repeat. And I think to myself for a mere split second, "Hmm are we really too young?"

But in that moment, I realize that perhaps they view "settling down" in a different way than I do. I have been with my boyfriend for about nine months now, we met in college and quickly became best friends... We fell in love very unexpectedly by the end of my freshman year. And after being in a long distance relationship with him for these past nine months, I do not anticipate dating anyone else. In essence, I am not going anywhere. But I am also not getting married tomorrow and I think that may be the way my friends view it sometimes. Not literally of course, but perhaps they somehow equate a commitment now to an even larger one that may or may not happen further down the road.

Of course that is truly the reason for relationships in the first place, but a relationship is what you make it really. Whether or not marriage is in your future (near or distant as well) is essentially up to you. I understand my friends at home and at school when they say they want to just take college to continue to be a free spirit or experience things, etc. But I also know that most of them aspire to someday fall in love, get married, have children... The whole shabang. And I always tell them that there is no better place to meet someone than college.

At what other point in your life will you be presented with so many people from a number of diverse backgrounds who can pursue numerous opportunities? College is the place of dreamers. Nothing seems out of your reach and absolutely anything is still possible. People love college students, they admire us with our tenacity, inspiration, and determination. This is the place where we begin molding ourselves for who and where we want to be in life.

I think that was part of what attracted me so much to my boyfriend, he just has a passion for life like no other I have ever seen before. And while so many other college students are out being free spirits, I am developing into the person I want to be and learning about the person I know I truly am. And they will see some day that when they find someone they believe to be special... They will not want to be a free spirit anymore. They will have no reason to date other guys and no interest in them either.

I suppose writing this has helped me realize something: Everyone is at different point in their lives. Though we are all sophomores in college, we all are experiencing different feelings, revelations, and lessons all at the same time. Everyone is not ready to be in a serious relationship, not until they are more sure about who they want themselves to be can they be sure about who they want to share their lives with.

All I want them to realize is that by senior year of undergrad and in grad school, a lot of those guys that are eligible bachelors now... May not be then. My sister (The Bride) once told me that if you find a good black man that makes you happy and has his stuff together, hold on to him. I think she was very right.

Looking for the Black Prince Charming???

Marriage is suppose to be every girl's dream, to be a princess bride. Now it is a national controversial topic. It has gone from a dream to a nightmare for women, especially black women.

Now that we have the First African American Disney Princess. Black Women are asking themselves where is my Black Prince Charming?

I remember when Cendrine first started dating at Morgan Park High School, she asked me about how to find a husband. I will share with you the advice that I gave her back then.

I explained to Cendrine that initially college was where white women went to find their husbands. They did not really attend college to pursue careers, but rather to pursue the doctor or lawyer. They found their husband before he became successful. They helped him to achieve his success.

I also shared with her that many women met their future husbands in high school. Some married young after graduation. They made a commitment and were life partners. My parents met at Wendell Phillips and married after high school. Many old school African Americans married after high school or younger. In my opinion the answer to this problem lies with our parents and grandparents. There are many committed relationships to model. Focus on positive married couples.

My daughters have been discussing the Nightline Special "Single, Black, Female-- and Plenty of
Company. http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/single-black-females/story?id=9395275

These are the statistics from that segment:

She has plenty of company. Forty-two percent of U.S. black women have never been married, double the number of white women who've never tied the knot. there are 1.8 million more black women than black men. So even if every black man in America married a black woman today, one out of 12 black women still wouldn't make it down the aisle if they hoped to marry a black man.

(Click on the link 1.8 million more black women, this link will take you to an article about Tiger Woods entitled "Why Did Tiger Woods Get Married?"). White America is upset that Tigers Woods disrespected his "Fair Hair" bride. They might well have asked the question
"How many black men date only White women?".

Let's take 100 black men. By the time you eliminate those without a high school diploma (21 percent), the unemployed (17 percent) and those ages 25-34 who are incarcerated (8 percent), you have only half of black men, 54 percent, whom many black women find acceptable.

The fallacy in this argument is that all black women are acceptable to marry black men.

This same segmentation was not applied to black women.
What percentage of the black women do not have a high school diploma?
What percentage of black women are unemployed?
What percentage of black women ages 25-34 are incarcerated?

Let's go beyond and segment further.
What percentage of black women are on drugs?
What percentage of black women are Lesbians?
What percentage of black women date white men?

What age group of black women are 1.8 million women that are double the black men?
What age group of black men are they referring to?

Age group is only mentioned when looking at black men ages 25-34 are incarcerated.

I find this theory to focus on the negatives of black men and promoting Black women to marry White Men as a solution.

Here we go again allowing others to define our relationship to each other. Whose point of view is this? The Media.

Put on your critical thinking hat. Why are all these educated black women believing this hype?

The answer lies within you. It is your belief system that creates your reality.

You get what you believe. If you believe that there are no black men to marry, then that is what you get--no black man to marry.

If you say that all black men are gay, incarcerated, uneducated, and unemployed then that is what you will get.

What you focus on, expands.

Love yourself first.

Protect your mind and your beliefs.

You are not 1.8 million double the number of Black men. You are you.
You are a single being in your corner of the universe.

I have never once believed that I can not have a Black man.

I don't believe the hype, you should not either.

If you are full of jealousy, hatred, frustration, other negative traits, then you push away your Black Prince charming.

Personal development is the key to finding your Black Prince Charming.

I am recently divorced, but we were married for 25 years. Today that is a lifetime to compared to most marriages. Now I am back dating again. It certainly has changed from when I was single twenty-five years ago.

I know without a doubt that I will have committed relationship with a good Black Man again.

This was a great segment to promote Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man".
Steve Harvey suggested that Sisters should looking a dating older men.

What are your thoughts?

How it Happened...

I have had alot of people contact me to find out how I got in People Magazine, so I figured I would share it with you all here.

In October I attended a Breast Cancer Awareness event hosted by "Pink isn't Always Pretty." At this event I met my current wedding planner blogger Coretta at Coretta's Elegant Events.blogspot.com. When I met Coretta I instantly knew she had to help me plan my wedding so we chatted and exchanged info. About a week later she wrote an article on her blog about a magazine doing a weight lost challenge for brides. I saw the email sent in my info and the rest was history! Don't forget to follow my articles in People Magazine (in stores now :-)

Meeting Corretta at the Pink isn't Always Pretty (P.I.AP.) event motivated me to continue to promote Black Women's Health like I do at Nubian Fitness Goddess by organizing a team for a Breast Cancer Walk (Stay Tuned for more info!). The Breast cancer gene also runs in my family so it is really important to me to support P.I.A.P.

More about P.I.A.P
P.I.A.P.’s mission is to provide a national community of support for women of color coping with breast cancer through raising awareness, education on healthy living and encouraging freedom of expression. Be sure to visit there site!

Location, Location, Location: Chicago or D.C.

This is my first major hurdle in wedding planning. Who would have thought it would be so difficult to choose a location?

My fiance and I are from Chicago, but we live in D.C. Right now we are still trying to decide what to do—our current city or our hometown? Decisions, decisions…

We have looked at couple of places here in D.C., and so far my favorite is B.Smiths. It's a restaurant Union Station and it's absolutely beautiful. Also, it's owned by a Black Woman. How cool is that?!

Now, I know a restaurant is not a traditional place to have a reception/ceremony, but I am all about having a unique wedding that fits my fianc and I. In Chicago, there are two places we hope to check out—The Mid America Club and The Signature Room. Both have amazing views of the Chicago Skyline. We definitely are trying to stick within a tight budget for our wedding, so cost may be the deciding factor.

Our wedding is October 10^th, so we definitely have to get going on this!


Anyone have a similar dilemma?

What are you favorite reception sites?

A Cinderella Bride?

My blogging journey started with Nubian Fitness Goddess, where I provide motivation and information about Black Women who are focused on having healthier lives. I've enjoyed blogging so much that I have decided to share my wedding planning journey via A Cinderella Story.

So Why Cinderella?

1. My wedding planning has already been such a unique experience. I was selected to participate in PEOPLE MAGAZINE's Weight Loss Challenge. My fiance and I are in the current January 11th issue (pg. 94 and 98), and I will be followed over the next 9 months. So please check out People Mag to follow my Weight Loss Journey.

2. My name (Cendrine) comes from Cinderella, thanks mom :-)

3. Hmmm...I think 1 and 2 where good enough

God has been so good to me and I have certainly learned that he rewards those who help others.

I will be sharing my wedding planning process, tips, resources, and perhaps even a little relationship information. Given all the media attention on the difficulty for successful black women to find husbands, I want to encourage you all to keep the faith in findinglove.

Lastly, I must share one of my favorite wedding bloggers (plus she is my wedding planner)—

Check out Corretta's Event's.


Note: The pic above, is one my absolute favorite pics of Barack and Michelle. They are an inspiring couple!


Please comment!

So, anyone else out there planning a wedding?